im just tired.

 

tired of feeling tired all the time..i own my recent life a new beginnings..so,take a trip will be a good idea? ha..its time to say goodbye to the PIG year and forget certain old staff..when i come back, its a new year..everything will be fine...

 

"Goodbye does not always mean the end,sometimes it means a new beganning."

 

good luck, my girl =)

现在我知道，为什么每次感到厌倦时，我会想离开这个城市。
因为当你选择了一个陌生的城市，那里的一切都不确定。但是你的内心却深知，这种不确定是不可避免。
于是你自然可以心安理得的接受它的存在。好好和它相处，聊天。而不逼迫自己摆脱它。

当你在这个城市呆久了，开始习惯了生活的种种细节后。这时你的内心告诉你，嗯，你看，现在你不该再感到不安定了吧。
一旦现实非你所愿，它还顽固的呆在那里。你就开始莫明担忧，开始试图从周围的人身上寻找依托。你对他们寄予了期望。
可是，亲爱的，没有谁能够让你真正的信任。就算在某一刻，某个人可以让你感觉到安全。
你却深知，下一刻或许他就变了。没有什么东西可以长久。
因为你知道，你自己就是这样。你一直在改变。改变。既然自己都无法胜任，又能相信谁呢。
这种骨子里的苍凉感，让你终日惶惶不安。

于是你选择离开。
等你再次回来时，发现自己熟悉的一切都在这里。

 

对我来说，这就是旅行的意义。离开是为了回来后这熟悉的感觉。它让我感到安全。
然后，你就可以很安心的让一切重新开始。

或许一些人终究一生在寻找的，就是这该死的安全感。

 

theres a point in your life when u get tired of fixing everything and trying to make everyone happy..when u finally decide to QUIT,its not giving up..just realizing u dont need certain people and the bullshit they bring in to your life.

 

tell them to FUCK OFF and ask yourself: what you really want?

 

no one like make a tough decision. but there comes a moment..u really need to make it..u can either take that step forward or turn around and walk away..later u made it and after that moment passed..u can cool off..tell yourself at least u did your best in this way..u cant see sorry to yourself afterwards..u can start to clean up the messes u made before..try to let go of what was...then everything from the new beginnings.

 

even u need to being alone..well..your parents gonna being old and leave u one day..your friends gonna have their own lives..in the end u gonna realize all u really have is youself and nothing can make you feel lonelier than that..so..i mean..thats ok..nobody could not live without nobody in the end..L was right..if u r strong enough, u dont fear anything..including loneliness..just beware, sometimes it causes mistakes.

 

nothing is more important than making yourself happy..life is short. remembered this as well.

 

下周新学期又开始了。又将是日复一日的上课，讨论，报告，论文。
一段段的生活，不断的开始，结束。总是充斥着相识和离开。很多事自然不能想太多。
一个人安安静静的图书馆看着英文。晚上坐着空荡荡的地铁回家。
听着高跟鞋pada pada敲击在路面上的声音，我知道，那是寂寞。
有时它的突然来袭，真能让人承受不了发疯。可是即便有了伴，也一样是寂寞。
既然两个人的寂寞比一个人来得更强大，既然这不是爱，那好吧，我更宁愿孤单。
偶尔找几个朋友聊天，吃饭。前几天有人问我，留学生活苦吗？大家都这么说，可是我从没想过用这个字眼。

不知道是不是太早就离家独自生活。如今对我来说，最大的悲哀是，我不曾想念过去在中国的一切。不自觉常有种何处为家的感觉。
一个人在外头晃荡，听着身旁的人说着瑞典语时，真不知道自己在干嘛。
心血来潮的从一个城市到另一个城市，再从一个国家到另一个国家。
现在这么北，这么空荡的城市，一个人做着以前从没想过要做的事。
生活给你的远远比你想象中的要多。不是么。

 

嗯，下个月我要去报个弗朗明哥舞班。

 

当然，现在看来，在年后反思人生，写这样像小学生的保证书有点奇怪，可是老娘实在是忙哇。眼看着论文就要交了。

不多废话。

这一年，还是俩字，坚持。积极的坚持很重要。早睡觉，作息规律，爱惜身体。不要在中国过欧洲时间，到了欧洲就过中国时间。然后保持乐观，开心。当然，不可避免偶尔颓下下。特别是冬天，现在下午两点天就黑了，人不变态也是不可能的。还有，尽量不拖沓，不钻牛角尖，少一点拧巴和焦虑，多找些乐子。

我想king说得对。我们总是要求更多。可是得到了更多，就想要更多。事实一旦达不到原先的期望，就会失望沮丧。我想这是不开心的根源所在。如果能把对别人的期望值转移到自己身上，或许我能得到更多。包括快乐。

此外，对于年底不小心撞见的那个错。既然已经错了，就继续错下去吧。反正，横竖都要死的。就看死得甘不甘心了。再说，置之死地而后生。对待一件破事或是一个破人儿，要怎么想怎么看，取决于你自己了。当然我不是圣人，注定会困扰我的还是会困扰着我。所以，BIU悍的人生偶尔也要出老千的。只是尽量找一些妥帖的方式，让自己舒服点儿，再舒服点儿。即便是把自己骗得天花乱坠，还能一直骗下去，只要能死得很甘心，5555，我也认了。

所以，还是大师说得对，如果你足够强大，那么就能百无禁忌。

yeh..time to take a break for everyone..in the end of episode no.10..Derek and Meredith,Izzie and George,Alex and Ava?,Bailey and Tucker..all of these were done...over.

who says life is a journey for all of us...we can choose travel by cars..trains...planes..or just take a walk,whatever..unavoidably we gonna have crash(sorry for those choose planes)..some people just accidental rushed into our lives..we met,had some small talk,knew each other in some extent,even more,share with laughing..crying..all these suffering,then left memories for each other,later say goodbye..somehow we never meet again..

I wonder..after the crash, how are those people to deal with all the things they messed up before and get over it,later just move on with their lives easily like nothing really happened before?

calm down and take a break? make everything looks kinda finished?..it will be an "," or "?" or "..." oooor "."  which symbol they gonna choose?

for me..in a way, it means a brand new beginning..as M tells me for years, life is a choice..later i realized it by myself,actually everything is a choice..its up to u of course in some cases not..but choose what u really want then feel happy and benefic for it..once decided, never regreted..well..not "never"..at least try your best to avoid it..in fact..i learned a lot from the past..that is..wasting time to regret for what u had chosen,I rather,think about what im gonna do for the next step...even though now,i cant choose what exactly i want..at least..i can choose to kick off what i really dont want..isnt it?

"Some days ... the whole world seems upside down. And then somehow, and probably, and when you least expect it, the world rights itself again."

perhaps shes right,dont expect too much..but my point is..still..live in hope..althought it sounds like crap..anyhow thats all i wanna say today..

so..good luck,my girl =)

 

The truth.  We like to think there’s only one version of it.  Namely, our own.  But then someone else comes along and they insist on giving you their (generally wrongheaded) version of the truth.  The truth is…there’s all sorts of truths.  The varnished truth.  The unvarnished truth.  The naked truth.  Half-truths.  Whole truths.  THE PAINFUL TRUTH.  The kind of truth we don’t always want to hear. 

We all have these ideas of ourselves – of how we are – so when somebody else actually weighs in about us, well, it can be a shock.  I’m going to quote the Scottish poet Robert Burns right now because I’ve always wanted to quote him and I couldn’t really figure how to cram this quote into a birthday toast or a Thanksgiving speech or a piece of wisdom I might pass on to my kids – who wouldn’t want to hear it anyway (that’s my painful truth).  Also it might lend this blog a little more class.  “If only God, the gift he gee us/To see ourselves as others see us.”  Yes, even famous Scottish poets wrote about the painful truth.

 

 

all i need is..SOMETHING REALLY CAN CHEER ME UP!!!

what happend to me? maybe I'm dying inside..I'm so numb..I don't feel pain, or excitement..not even bitter.. 

just something deposit inside my body,im not sure what it is..

We are all strangers in a strange land, longing for home, but not quite knowing what or where home is. 

 

Yeah..when I wrote down this title..it's kind of a little embarrassed..cause I majored in media and communication..I should be good at it..but there's another explanation I can use it to support this title, that is since I majored this, I couldn't stop thinking about why I'm so care and keep wondering about this thing:COMMUNICATION..it sound like a subliminal instinct....

 

But this is funny..you know..communication,that's the first thing we really learn in our life..since we come into the world..we communicate all the time..even with yourself..Well..I autually did "this thing" well in the pass twenties years..but after come here,I'm kind of lose it..to be honest..these days I felt dejected and a little bit lonesome ..

 

Well..I'm a quiet person...but it doesn't means I don't like talking with people..I'm just not that kind of people who like go to party and keep saying "come on let's have fun" all the time..I'm just like stay at home..listening music..reading magazine..cooking..during the weekend hang out with one or two friends to drink couples of tea and talk each other..cause when I spend long hours,even a whole night,to talking with those best friends..I really feel cheerful..comfortable..and relaxing..I'm so enjoying to sharing thoughts with them together..But..now in Sweden..they all far from me,everynight I login MSN,nobody there..they are all going to sleep..you know..the 6 hours in advance..when they're online..it's my busying time..always the wrong time..I'm missing them so much...

 

If I want, I can have some people here who I care about,or who care about me,but no real intimacy with anyone..cause we can just have a simple basal conversation..such as where are you from..how's your hometown..why do you come to this country..what's your study in here..something like that..and than,STOP..it 's difficult to go deeper to talk each other..is it all because my poor English?

 

Sometimes after I finished the talking to the my landlady or someone else..in English..I wondered how much information has been really well received and how much of it had lost in our subjective interpretation...I'm confused how it's gonna be like if you "understand" me and i "understand" you. will things be the same once we "understand" each other? all these communicate problems are really just because the language? I don't know..maybe there's something else..but at least,NOW,it seens yes,that's the biggest dramback for me..I wonder,is there any way to have meaning in your life when you're disconnected from people around you? well..I don't think so..all you feeling is alone..all the time..even there're many cheerful people surround you...

em..what's to say now? I'm lost in communication again..OK..I will using a paragraph from Gray's anatomy as an end..

400years ago another well-known English guy had an opinion about being alone---John Donne. He thought we were never alone of course it was fancier when he said that. No man is an island, entire until himself. Boiled on that island talk and he just meant that all anyone needs someone to step in. And let us know that we are not alone. And who's to say that someone can't have four legs.Someone to play with and run around with. Or just hang on.
 

 

OK..from now on I will try to use my poor English to write blog in my MSN space...

 

I've been in Stockholm for two weeks..Until now,I still wanna say that I was such a luckly girl that I met our landlady Jessica..she's a very very nice lady..she's thoughtful..generous..funny..aslo,she's a cat lady..Mia is a cat lady..u know..I love her,also the two kids,cats,and a cute hamster..

 

I also get a roomie Vanessa who is a pretty girl from Xi'an..Both of us take the same course from JMK..These days we almost did everything together..Even we went to a boy's apartment together..don't take this the wrong way..I mean, we went to his place just to drink cups of coffee and talk each other for a while.. He's a guy that we met from the SU's wednesday party..He told V that he loves music..When I knew that I was so excited..cos you know,I'm a big fan of Swedish Indie music..I thought that might be we can talk more about music.. well..we did..and I recognized that he loves Jazz..not Indie.. But anyway,I am still very happy that the first friend we made in Sweden is a music fan..By the way..this guy he can play saxophone,he even wrote a song,he wanna play it for his brother's wedding..so I think he's an artist more than just a music fan..

 

This afternoon V and I went to the "Queent Street"..Well..I am not sure that place's name..there are have two lions by both side of the street..that area is in the center of the town..you can see many traditional swedish buliding..so so beautiful..especially in such a sunny day..you can see the sunset through the old arch bridge..Everything was perfect for me..at that moment..I was so peaceful..I don't know why I couldn't get excited as V do..Before I came to Sweden..these beautiful landscapes are never appear in reality..I can only imagined them in my dream or photos that took by other people..now I am in here..but not feel excited..I don't know why..I am so confused..

 

Since I was in Sweden for these days..people are from MSN keep asking me how's everthing going in here..I aways said I am OK..cos I didn't know what kind of the situation I should called "bad" or "good"..at least..I did everything I should do as a foreign student..I've got my ID number..my student card..I knew where I can bought food..I knew how to take bus and subway from our apartment to JMK..Everything was perfect order..

 

But, still I couldn't say how I am feeling by now..these days I kind of had too much emotion..when I was missing my boyfriend I would cry..when I spent time with V..J and two kids I feld happy..when people talked to me,I understood what they're saying about,then I tried to use my poor English to response or express things..if it was difficult..I would feld tire to communicate..sometimes I was fed up with speaking English all the time..I was fed up myself..

I know it is negative..I need to gotta think positive..need to have more enthusiasm for live..I just couldn't control these things..there are jump out from my mind..but most of the time I am quiet..it is a little bit weird for myself..cos everything is new around me in Sweden..I should feel happy..excited..I should have more mood not just sober..Maybe later I will have the answer..not now..

Now it is 2:29am..I know i need to go to bed..but maybe i used to be a night owl..when I adjusted my biologic clock,I couldn't fall asleep before 2am..is that sad?

中文译名：夏日之恋
导演：Paul Pavlikovsky  
国家：英国
编剧：Helen Cross / Michael Wynne / Paul Pavlikovsky  
类型：剧情 
演员：Natalie Press /  Emily Blunt /  Paddy Considine
官网：http://www.mysummeroflovemovie.com
其他介绍: http://xian.allnet.cn/Article/26712.html
http://enjoy.eastday.com/eastday/enjoy/node58771/node58866/node58869/node62326/userobject1ai1110741.html

夏日的时光，肆意而慵懒。爱极了Mona脸上的小雀斑，任性却又率真。她的爱，一如她的摩托车，招摇凛冽，义无返顾。相反的，Tamsin的自私阴郁，写在了那条红裙子上。青藤背后那张表情暧昧的脸，充满戏谑。青春的路上，伴随着虚无，疼痛，挣扎。为了对抗它们，总有一些人，为了成全一时的欢愉，不惜玩弄它人，一切以爱的名义。撕破这张幌子，最后是决绝的毁灭，还是清醒后的抽离？

幸而，这样的结局是我所希望的。Mona离去时一脸坚定的笑，带着桀骜不驯的勇气和尊严。“The Crime Of Passion Could Be Forgiven.”是的。



非常喜欢这张电影原声。迷幻的味道。挑选了几首上传。

01 - Lovely Head  -->

03 - Sway  -->

04 - Meeting In The Moors  -->

05 - I Go To Sleep   -->

07 - Elephant Woman   -->

09 - Mona And Tamsin On A Rock   -->

11 - Sadies Room   -->

14 - Mona At The Gate   -->

睡不着时，有时会起身在窗边站一会儿，看看对岸，拍几张照片。浓雾的夜里，整个城市会跟着海面的微波，轻轻的漂起来，无声潜行。关于城市的小说，记忆中印象深刻的有三本。香港作家西西的《我城》，《浮城志异》，意大利作家卡尔维诺的《看不见的城市》。音乐来自阿麦书房2005年《看不见的城市漫游》(Invisible Cities Journey)专辑中两首。还有一首许茹芸的老歌，《寂寞海洋》。音乐，图画，文字，还有不为人知的心情，都是无聊时的消遣，不知不觉中又是一夜。嘿嘿。

Interlude 1 - The Marshmallow Kisses - 飘着  -->试听

城市的景物一直在飘摇
躲避温暖的高楼　围着空气
我一再下沉　如尘埃
在雾中 抓紧了 然后放手
仿佛捉不住永远　有一种无奈
有更多淡淡的哀愁　像阳光一样
灼热的晒着我那敏感的皮肤

Interlude 2 - The Marshmallow Kisses - Sliding Landscape  -->试听

The landscape flows amongst the chilly skyscrapers
I'm burnt in the dust gliding over the smoky flowers
There is a sound sulking in the thunder
There is a boy hurrying away his wonder
Desire hatred joy
Are all swallowed by the sleepless city

许茹芸 - 寂寞海洋  -->试听

从电脑上选了几首旧曲子，都是男女合唱，互为点缀
别以为就一定是情哥哥俊妹妹的傻情歌，不信，听听LUSH的ciao!就知道啦
ciao!是意大利语，“你好”“再见”的意思，俩刚分手的情人吵得正欢呢~
男：“Oh I must've been crazy to have stayed with you。。I can't believe I thought I was in love with you”
女：“I can't believe I fell for such a loser like you ”
男：“I've met this girl and she's so good to me 。。She's really beautiful, fantastic company ”
女：“Good luck, mister, do you think I care? 。。I've got a million guys just lining up for me”
。。。
这是不是典型的吵架对白咧？笑死人了，改天抓大毛来练练
-->完整歌詞

其它的多是以前介绍过的，不废话了。新的曲子正在努力整理中，一月见~

请到我收音机上收听：http://www.lifepop.com/myradio.aspx?domain=laindark

Joel Hanson & Sara Groves - Traveling Light
Lush - Ciao!
Jim white & Aimee Mann - Static On the Radio
Devices - In Your Room
Mojave3 – Mercy
Leonard Cohen - Dance Me To the End of Love
Nick Cave & PJ Harvey - Henry Lee
Keren Ann & Benjamin Biolay - Decrocher Les Etoile
Picture Center – Burn Baby Burn
Sophie Zelmani & Freddie Wadling - Once 
Club8 - Look Out
Kate Bush - Army Dreamers
Mylène Farmer & Seal - Les Mots

外，虽然哥们不相信猿粪，八过这个小测验挺准嗒，注意要输入真实名字哦
http://www.edeng.cn/yuanfen/yuanfen.html?e=6836b23119d40001349aea5112c0efcf